i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize