Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
