She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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