NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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