you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize