Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
