I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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