So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
