Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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