Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
