Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
