Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
