The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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