His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize