you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
