why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
