I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
nutella sex= disaster
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
