he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
