I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
