and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
