He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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