Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
