someone threw a dead crab at me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
