I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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