is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
