he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
