physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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