Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
