GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
