i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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