my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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