I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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