listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
