Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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