which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
