i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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