So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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