I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
