Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
