remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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