we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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