she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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