Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
