He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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