It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
