I think I died a long time ago.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
