Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
