I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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