We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
