you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
