Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
only you would photoshop your dick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
