Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
