We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I want her autograph on my taint
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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