worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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