Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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