lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
