just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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