guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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