When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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