found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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