Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
