If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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