She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
