i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
