Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
