Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
