Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
