I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
