First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
