my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
