Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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